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i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
