Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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