You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
