sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
