Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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