you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
