I am spending my child support on dildos
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
