My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
