I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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