They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
