bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
