I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
