My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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