how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
