why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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