I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
