I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and she was petting her beer can
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
