What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
