I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
