her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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