Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
