I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
