Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
