you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
