Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
