I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
