11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
