just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
