2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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