I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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