Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
