when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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