He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
