When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
