If i come over, it means nothing
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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