Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
