You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
