my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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