I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
