OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
