dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
