Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
its liver damage thursday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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