Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
