worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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