She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
