two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
