That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
