Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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