i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
