I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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