first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
