Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
