when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
