Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
