I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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