If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
