Do vagina's smell?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
