he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
