$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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