You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
